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PUBG and the Trusty Pan

Games and Gaming

PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds aka PUBG aka Plunkbat has been cropping up on a lot of people’s Steam friends lists lately. I’m here to extol the virtues of one of its most humble weapons: Pan. On its face, it’s just another melee weapon like Crowbar, Sickle, and Machete. Sure, it’s better camouflaged than the red Crowbar that tends to stick out while prone. The shiny steel of the Machete or Sickle can catch the eye compared to the seasoned patina of Pan. But that’s not what makes it special:

Unlike its brethren, it can block bullets while strapped to your back or held in the hand. As opposed to the game’s purpose-made body armor and helmet, its sturdy cast-iron construction never degrades. Pan is eternal.

In preparation for the next “Battle Royale”, the backstage elves of Erangel (PUBG’s first map) presumably run around quickly restocking ammo from a massive stockpile hidden under Stalber mountain. Mechanics quickly gas up cars and patch up bullet holes in boat hulls. Scores of parachute riggers repack infallible primary chutes that ensure their occupants die after they hit the ground. But all the Pan gofers have to do is round up the Pans from the previous round, occasionally scrape off some flattened 9mm rounds, and return them to the nearest apartment kitchen or warehouse.

Only one squad wins, but Pan lives on.