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Rotato Zombies: Meet the Zombies (06.09.2011)

by TheMadJuggler
Features, Games and Gaming

TheMadJuggler slaves over his keyboard, trying to figure out how to transliterate a Boomer’s gastric juices.

THEMADJUGGLER: Blurgle? Glurgle? Mlurgle?

Enter Hypothetical Character With Whom to Dialogue, dressed in nondescript blue jeans and nondescript-er white tee.

HCWWTD: Whatcha doin’ Juggler? Is that a new blog post?

THEMADJUGGLER: Well yeah, I’m starting a feature about Left 4 Dead 2.

HCWWTD: That old game? So this is a treatise on rage-quitting?

THEMADJUGGLER: I don’t think you understand… Yes, the Left 4 Dead 2 community at large is a fickle bunch, but my gaming community has developed this band of apocalyptic heroes who play hard and have fun. We range from hilariously carefree newbs to sentient, anthropomorphic aimbots, but we always end up having fun. In the upcoming weeks, I will be posting play-by-play commentary on our most epic realism versus matches

I think you ought to meet the zombies.

In Order of Total Playtime (Descending)








NAME: manny
ALIAS: mannybot, DAMMIT MANNY
LOCATION: Unsurprisingly Close to Silicon Valley
STRENGTHS:
  • Twitch Reflexes of Pre-teen
  • Appearance of Pre-teen
  • Zen-like Demeanor
WEAKNESSES:
WEAPON: Combat Shotgun
SPECIAL: Boomer








NAME: neckro23
ALIAS: Neckro, Neckrochelle
LOCATION: Viking Wasteland of Minnesota
STRENGTHS:
  • Stealth
  • Leaves No Man Behind
WEAKNESSES:
  • Loves to Dance in Spit
  • Alarm Tripper
  • Minecraft
WEAPON: AK-47
SPECIAL:Boomer










NAME: joni.
ALIAS: Joni Dot
LOCATION: The People’s Republic of Canada
STRENGTHS:
  • Positive Leadership
  • Being in the Scott Pilgrim Movie
  • Attracting Hormone-Addled Pubbies
WEAKNESSES:
  • Fixies
  • Making Fun of SpacePope
  • Drunk Zombies
WEAPON: Tactical Shotgun
SPECIAL: Hunter
LEVEL: Parish – 5 – The Bridge










NAME: WuBang3r
ALIAS: Wu
LOCATION: The Swamps of D.C.
STRENGTHS:
  • Mad Dashes to Safe Room (Catting)
  • Laughing at His Own Misfortune
  • Idling
WEAKNESSES:
  • Scavenging for Pills Alone in the Dark
  • Driving His Mooch Friends Around
  • 90s Hip-Hop
WEAPON: Combat Shotgun
SPECIAL: Boomer
LEVEL: Hard Rain – 3 – Mill Escape










NAME: TheMadJuggler
ALIAS: Juggler, MadJuggs
LOCATION: The Smug Part of Brooklyn
STRENGTHS:
  • Filling Lobbies Like Waterfalls
  • Leadership
  • Jinxing My Team
WEAKNESSES:
  • Falling Asleep in Lobby
  • Calculating Points
  • Complaining About Teams
WEAPON: Sniper Rifle
SPECIAL: Charger
LEVEL: Dark Carnival – 2 – The Fairgrounds







NAME: Speakerwire
ALIAS: Speaker
LOCATION: The Canadian West Coast (Significantly Less Gangsta)
STRENGTHS:
  • Writing Academic Theses on Video Games
  • Frying Computer Hardware
WEAKNESSES:
  • The Vancouver Canucks
  • League of Legends
WEAPON: Combat Shotgun










NAME: SpacePope
ALIAS: Pope, Travis, Shut Up Travis
LOCATION: The Largest City in the Smallest State
STRENGTHS:
  • Identifying and Berating Dick Sandwiches
  • Skill Completely Unaffected by Alcohol
  • Boomer Popping When Manny is Not Around
WEAKNESSES:
  • Easily Disoriented
  • Unable to Control Rage When Frognuts Speaks
WEAPON: AK-47
SPECIAL: Charger
LEVEL: Swamp Fever – 1 – Plank Country










NAME: Troll on a Pony
ALIAS: Troll, Trollo’pony
LOCATION: To-ron-to Sounds Japanese
STRENGTHS:
  • Advanced Mechanical Engineering
  • Metal Hairdo
  • Scotch Afficianado
WEAKNESSES:
  • YouTube Addiction
  • As Charger, Trips Over Crickets
  • Also Canadian
WEAPON: AK-47
SPECIAL: Charger
LEVEL: Swamp Fever – 1 – Plank Country








NAME: Filthy McBongwater
ALIAS: Filthy
LOCATION: The Zombie-Ridden South
STRENGTHS:
  • Server Maintenance
  • Ladder Charge
  • Caller of Infected
WEAKNESSES:
  • Mumbler
  • Magnetic Attraction to Charger Path
WEAPON: Tactical Shotgun
SPECIAL: Boomer










NAME: Snackrifice
ALIAS: Snack, Diablo del Sol
LOCATION: Zombieless Plains of Tempe
STRENGTHS:
  • Does Not Blindly Throw Zombies into Gunfire
  • Team Awareness
  • Waiting for Wu with Hunter
WEAKNESSES:
  • Manny
  • The “Map” Called “Swamp”
  • Knowing When to Run
WEAPON: AK-47
SPECIAL: Spitter
LEVEL: Dark Carnival – 5 – The Concert










NAME: rez
ALIAS: HOI!
LOCATION: Lake Woebegone, Minnesota
STRENGTHS:
  • Photographing Goth Chicks
  • Being Diplomatic
WEAKNESSES:
  • Photographing Furries
  • Bowler Hats
WEAPON: Sniper Rifle
SPECIAL: Spitter
LEVEL: Dead Center – 3 – The Mall







NAME: metamonk
ALIAS: Monk
LOCATION: Right Behind You!
STRENGTHS:
  • Expansive Knowledge of 1980s Cinematic References
  • One of Few Who Might Actually Survive Zombie Apocalypse IRL
  • Awesome Dog
WEAKNESSES:
  • Second Career of International Espionage
  • Hooligans
WEAPON: Tactical Shotgun







NAME: cnelson7
ALIAS: Nelson
LOCATION: Minnesota
STRENGTHS:
  • Looks Like Woody Harrelson
  • Has Manny Beta Firmware
WEAKNESSES:
WEAPON: AK-47

TheMadJuggler

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