4 Reasons Why Team Fortress Classic is Better Than Team Fortress 2

by Greg X Graves
Games and Gaming, Retrospectives

Team Fortress 2 (TF2) was released in October 2007 as part of the Orange Box, which will be known to our children and our children’s children as the best Value in History, even better than the famous Christmas season when United Automatons forgets to charge extra for the vibrator attachment. Team Fortress 2 exemplified team-based gaming, providing the player with nine different classes, all with unique abilities. For example, the demoman could launch grenades to create chokepoints or to destroy weapons emplacements, while the spy could cause a spontaneous ballooning in the posterior cerebral artery of the player whose character he backstabbed.

TF2 certainly has some merits, but if that noble game is a polished-up Ferrari, then Team Fortress Classic (TFC) is the junker with NOS, an old piece of shit that doesn’t look so hot but which is loaded up with mods, memories and not just a few bits of illegal swag. Below I present four reasons why TFC is better than TF2.

1. The Crowbar
Spang spang spang! Team Fortress 2 has knives, bonesaws, shovels and whisky bottles, which are decent killing tools. Until the Wooden Crate Aliens arrive and box your ass up.

2. The VIP
Appearing only in the Hunted mode, the VIP depends on his Bodyguards to defend him against a team of Snipers. The only downside is that as a bodyguard you can’t have a private voice channel with the assassins to negotiate how many gold Krugerrands it will take before you stop protecting the VIP and start rolling around in your gold Krugerrands.

3. The Baked Potato Sniper
Team Fortress Classic received a face-lift where all of the classes received updated skins. The Sniper’s skin was wrapped in aluminum foil in preparation to be placed into a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes.

4. Monkey Herpes
The TF2 Medic has the ability to heal his allies from afar, make them invulnerable, or supercharge their weapon to deliver unprecedented pain on their enemies. The TFC Medic, however, could infect the entire enemy team with a combination of Monkey Herpes and Transmissible Gout. We know which is more effective.

Greg X Graves

Greg X Graves has written 5 FGEC articles.

I was sent from the future! To brag about how great our jetpacks are!

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6 thoughts on “4 Reasons Why Team Fortress Classic is Better Than Team Fortress 2

  1. Monkey herpes: god bless ’em. Or it.

    But: you are wrong in your basic premise sir, and we may have to resort to fisticuffs for resolution of the dispute that, through your provocative speech and intemperate language, you have produced.

    I call you out, Mr Graves! I call you out!

    • I have never ignored a gauntlet that is cast down before me!

      You may choose your weapon, good sir, but I shall be bringing my crowbar!

      And the Monkey Herp, but that’s not really something that you can choose to leave at home.

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